Okay y’all, let’s talk about Trolls.
Now, I remember the Trolls dolls. My grandparents had several in the communal toy chest that I shared with the rest of the kids in my family. They had picked them up at auctions and in Happy Meals, where they had immediately been discarded from the “cool toys” and thrown to the bottom of the toy pile, only to be resurrected every so often when the Barbies had disappeared into the barn loft. I particularly remember a set of Trolls dressed in bride and groom outfits, with no discernible differences except for their attire.
Sure, Trolls were popular— but to me, they were always peripheral to other trends, like Beanie Babies. I suppose when they first trended in the 60s, there was less competing with them. But for me? They took backseat to 101 Dalmations.
When I heard the Trolls movie was coming out, I didn’t get the hype. Sure, the bright colors and catchy songs instantly attracted every child I know. Sure, it was a wave of nostalgia for two generations. But like I said, Trolls were never my thing. Plus, how do you get a plot from those creepy things? The only other troll-related movie I know of is a horror film.
All of this deposition is leading up to something, I promise. See, my child has severe food allergies. It’s a rare disease called FPIES, and it has horrible gastrointestinal effects when she ingests a trigger food. That would be manageable, except that with FPIES, a n y t h i n g can be or become a trigger food.
After reactions, she feels pretty terrible. She’s in pain, fussy, sleepy, and generally inconsolable. She doesn’t feel like playing outside. She doesn’t feel like playing inside. She doesn’t want to read. She just wants to veg out.
When she’s like this, I let her watch TV. Usually, she watches Sofia the First. She loves the theme song, and she recognizes the characters.
There are only 3 seasons of Sofia. My kiddo has had enough reactions that we have seen every single episode at least twice. At least. I don’t know about you, but I can only take so many moral lessons from a singing princess before I want to throw something heavy at the TV. WE. GET. IT, SOFIA!
Recently, my kid reacted to a former safe food. She felt bad, and nothing I tried was working. That’s when I noticed Trolls on Netflix.
I had recently had the virtues of Trolls extolled to me by a friend’s kid, who swore that all babies and kids would love Trolls. I had nothing to lose. I turned it on.
Y’all, Trolls is magic.
Within the first five minutes, my kid had crawled up in my lap and was staring awestruck at the television. I can only describe this movie as a brightly colored acid trip for children. This movie is the kind of thing that I would have dreamed up as a child when I reacted to Codeine and stayed up for nearly 24 hours straight.
There’s music, there’s flashing lights, there’s a character who farts glitter. There’s also a vaguely romantic plot line, which the kids will miss and you’ll be emotional about for days. There’s toilet humor, more flashing lights, and whole cast dance numbers. There are more colors than in a Crayola factory, and the music will get stuck in your head. My kid, who can barely talk, was trying to sing along with this movie. Also, one of the Trolls is a prepper?
We wound up watching Trolls around 3 times. By the second and a half time, my kid was peacefully snoring in my lap, and I was a sobbing mess. Look, Branch just had a rough life, okay? (And sleep deprivation can really mess with a mom.)
I did notice that they left room for a Trolls 2, and although I haven’t read anything about it, I’m sure it’s in the works. I mean, I’ve seen enough Trolls merchandise to clothe and entertain a small army. I mean, provided that the small army loved glitter, rainbows, and creepy looking dolls.
I hope that our next reaction is far in the distant future, and that we won’t be needing Netflix for a while. If we do? I know that Trolls is there for us.